Decisions, decisions.

I wrote the other day about how I’m considering weaning from the pump. And I really think I’m going to. The only reason I keep sharing posts on this subject is in the hope it will help other mamas with their guilt. I know I feel guilt out the wazoo right now. But, I also feel like I’m driving myself mad with this desire to be a perfect breastfeeding mom.

And I think I’ve finally given myself permission to stop feeling guilty. For me, pumping is becoming crazy-making, and as S would tell you, my trip to the funny farm would be a short one. Since C was born, I’ve struggled with some post-partum depression (a blog for another day–not so ready to write about it yet), and I think this tension with not pumping enough is only making those feelings of inadequacy worse.

So this week, I’m going to cut out one pumping session. And I’m going to work on forgiving myself about it. And I’m going to remind myself that C’s been 75% exclusively nursed for eight full months. And that is wonderful. And he’ll continue to nurse when he’s with his mama. And he’ll continue to get breastmilk during the day as long as I keep making it. I’m not ready to fully quit yet. But I’m working on it.

I feel like there is so much out there to make moms feel like breastfeeding is an all-or-nothing thing, and you’re this terrible monster if you don’t or cant’t or won’t. And it’s just not true.

So goodbye, mid-day pumping session. It’s been real.

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2 thoughts on “Decisions, decisions.

  1. I hope you get past your guilt quickly, Liz. Working moms are the most guilt ridden people on earth. I think you are making a good decision. I started back to work thinking that I would pump until E was one. Now my goal is 6 months. Like you, I love to nurse but hate pumping. I will keep nursing E for as long as she wants, but pumping sucks. Now my new battle will be finding a formula that E can tolerate. She has thrown up (true vomit- not just spit up) every time she has had formula. Our ped just recommended switching to soy, so that is next on our list.

    • You’re not kidding about the guilt of the working mother. It’s not just child-related guilt either. It’s work-related and husband-related, and I feel like I generally am doing a shitty job with all of it (of course, not all of the time. Just mostly.). Anyway- it’s so nice to know I’m not alone. Amazing actually. So thanks.

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